Monthly Archives: February 2010

Pees be with you

A very suggestive title you say? Cheap marketing gimmick? The author is a demented fool with sloppy thoughts and nothing better to do but bore the world with his non-sense?

Yes to all the above please.

Everyone, at some point in time, has given their bit to research. Am not talking about the questionable donation of Rs.10 made towards some random NGO. No sir. I talk about giving up something that is all yours. Something that you are forced to give and yet something that you cannot force out of yourself (I speak for the majority here).

A visit to the hospital does not always warrant a ‘sample’ but on occasions when the doctor feels that you are in fact the most boring noob, you will be forced to donate a wee (hehe.its a pun) bit of yourself . Its not the thing that they can prick (sorry for the adult content folks) out of you, nor is it the kind where you are in a ravana like situation with the role of rama being played to perfection by the lab attendant when they say “Indru poi naalai thaa  vaa (Go today and give come tomorrow)”

Encounter of the third kind it is. You are given a small plastic bottle, named after you, clandestinely wrapped in a tissue paper by the lab attendant who tries to hold a straight face while directing you to the restroom (an oscar winning performance.wah! wah!). Your cheeks flush and all of a sudden you feel extremely conscious. You quickly hide the bottle from public view and walk about nonchalantly. Thats when the attendant readily offers to maanathavaangify (take your respect and treat it like a piece of used tissue) by raising their voice and saying “Sir.Bathroom this way”

However quickly you try to regain your composure and glare at the attendant, its of no use. Your secret identity and more damagingly(word alert-code red) the purpose of your visit is now public knowledge. You hurry to the restroom, find an empty slot, lock yourself in, aim and fire. Then you quickly close the lid shut, wash and wipe your hands (not optional gentlemen) and get out. This is when you bring out the James Bond in you. Neither can you rush to the attendant nor can you hold on to the sample for too long. You have to hand over the container to the attendant a) without looking too eager , and b) without being watched. When you hand over the can to the attendant don’t miss an encore of the award winning performance (without your notice the attendant has suddenly put on a pair of latex gloves, they also keep a large supply of sanitizer on stand by, for emergencies).

Congratulations, you are done with yet another humiliating phase of life. But wait a minute, that was not the intention of this post. I actually wanted to share a trivia with you. Did you know that the deposit has an expiry period of 30 minutes. YES!!!  30 minutes, just about enough time to startup  Windows Vista.

Alas, my selfless nature forbids me from taking credit for your increase in intelligence. Happy valentines day.

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