Obsessive net users die early

As always, this blog prides itself in bringing the latest news to its readers. Straight from the Lab Of Senseless and Expendable Research (LOSER).

According to the latest report published by the acclaimed research house L.O.S.E.R, obsessive net users are found to have a shorter lifespan than occasional users. This study comes as a surprise to the millions of people who spend much of their salaried time online looking at Youtube videos and clicking on dubious links on facebook. The experts however beg to differ. Dr.Sushil Kumar, on condition of anonymity, said “The medical community has already published various reports corroborating the fact that the internet is just another vermin of  society, much like mega serials and reality shows.” He quickly turned his attention to the last leg of ‘So you think you can dance’ and declined to comment further on the issue.

A close observer of the internet phenomenon, Mr.Fino Menon, added that by the year 2015, this would be the biggest reason for deaths in all developed and developing countries. “You see, people had very little to worry about back then. Apart from the well being of near and dear ones, education and marriage of kids,retirement planning and programs on  Doordarshan, they had nothing much on their worry list”. On being questioned about the subtle Doordarshan reference he quickly changed the topic and continued “The youngsters these days worry about so much more, like, how many friends do i have on fb, are people liking my status messages, how many people liked that photo in which i thought i looked my best, do i have enough snaps with cute chicks?”. According to Mr.Menon, this has created an artificial demand on people and they end up spending way too much time on the internet.

The Internet Over Users Anonymous Establishment,which apart from dealing with such issues also holds the distinction of having an association name whose initials are all the vowels, has also provided it’s input on this report. Its spokesperson, Ms.Sykil Veel, said “We are working on setting up de-addiction centers all over the world. We believe with proper care and attention, this can be overcome. All that the addicts need is a good kick in the butt, er, i mean, a lot of love and care”.

Psychiatrists worldwide are keen on doing OT to ensure that this problem is attacked on a war footing. They have released a list of symptoms that people should watch out for in their near and dear ones.

1) liking their own status messages

2) typng lyk ths

3) changing profile pictures more often than they change their underwear.

4) not recognizing their ‘facebook friends’ when they come across each other in real life

5) expressing outrage about things they have no clue about

Not wanting to let go of this opportunity to market a product, a renowned ad-agency is rumored to be working on an ad for the state run BSNL with the tagline “So you think you can connect to the internet.”



Filed under L.O.S.E.R

5 responses to “Obsessive net users die early

  1. Vicky

    Hahaha Brilliant!!! 😀 may b v cud add “cAn I bE yOuR fRanD” typ f msgs 2 da lst. wd b gr8

  2. sricharanc

    oh the ‘fraanship’ kinds, bt i tot dey wr frm orkt 😀

  3. Ha! Orkt is now Google+ and will cure L.O.S.E.Rs of fb. The poison is its own antidote. Drink alcohol to cure hangover. Watch TR to forget Gap10.

  4. Naj

    “Dr.Sushil Kumar, on condition of anonymity” – lmfao!!! brilliantly done dude…

  5. sricharanc

    @bv: someone invited me, but i don’t see it. So i am still waiting for the antidote

    @naj: thanks dude

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