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Kutcheri

I have never quite understood the ‘kutcheri’ metaphor for alcohol consumption amongst our brethren. I assume a conversation between two ‘kutcheri’ rasikaas will go something like this

R1: yenn na nethu night kutcheri epdi?
R2: Athellam irukkatum, umma ellarum thedinaale, yen voi varala?
R1: atha vidungo. Yenna nadathathunu sollungo
R2: enna perusa, as usual whiskey thaan opening. startingliye nalla strongaa arambichaar. Apparam eyesum sodavum serave nalla sruthi era arambichathu. Thidirnu paatha beeruku oru jump adichaar paarungo, ellarum oru maathiri ayita
R1: ayiyo apparam?
R2: apparam enna thirupiyum whiskey ku vanthaar. Nadula cranberry raagathula oru breezera eduthu vitaar.
R1: perusa onnum miss panla pola irukke?
R2: enna ipdi sollitel? Aduthathu enna nadanthathunu kekaave illiye
R1: enna perusa nadanthirukkum? Mudinjathum ellarum ezhunthu poiruppa
R2: illana, ellathukkum nadula oru tequila thaniavarthanam vanthathu paarungo…
R1: ohh apdiya, besh besh. Cha miss pannitene…
R2: paravala voi. Adutha tharava vaarum, jammaichupudalaam
R1: athukku enna vanthutaa pochu

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Technology simplified

Rapid innovations in technology is changing our world faster than many of us can cope with. Every new technical term we come across launches us into a never ending voyage of Google search and Wikipedia articles, till we get dehydrated of course. We took it upon ourselves to clear the air about latest technology trends by talking to some experts from Indian Institute of Inspiration, Information, Invitation, Innovation…..Technology (InT)

Interviewer (I): Sir, good morning.

Expert (E): yes, yes. Very good morning.

I: We want to provide clarity on some of the latest technology trends affecting the common man.

E: yes, clarity is a good thing

I: We would like to start by asking your opinion on Set top boxes. Why all the fuss?

E: Well, of course. It’s a highly misunderstood concept. I visited so many homes and noticed to my horror that people had placed it on the side or sometimes even below the televisions. I would like to re-iterate that it is a Set Top Box and is a BOX that has to be on TOP of a television SET.

I: Though the number of people transacting online has gone up there is still a large percentage of the population that feels online payments are unsafe. How safe is it really?

E: Forget all this online offline nonsense.I accept all payments only below the line <winks inappropriately at the interviewer>

I: Errr…What is a payment gateway?

E: You make payment means you get way, otherwise you don’t.

I: But sir….

E: No man. No payment means no way.

I: Then how would you explain SMS gateway

E: Well you see, most of these security guards are lonely people. They stand there all day letting people in and out and most of these people do not even acknowledge them. So, to make their lives more fun, we introduced this concept where your mobile sends them an SMS when you are making your way through the gate. Like for example “Hi” or “Whaddap” etc.

I: There is a lot of buzz around cloud storage. Please tell us how that works.

E: It is a flawed concept to begin with. Today you store something in some cloud. Then suddenly strong wind blows and cloud moves somewhere, what will you do? People should not be taking such risks, IMHO. They should stick with bank lockers.

I: When will mobile payments happen in a big way in India?

E: What do you mean when? That mobile you have, you stole it or what? You paid no?? Then what are you talking about??

I: No sir. What I meant to ask was about effecting payments through mobile.

E: <stares long at interviewer>…..I haven’t heard of any shops where they accept mobile phones instead of money. You really should do your research before asking me such things.

<To be continued>….

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